In the past couple of weeks, I’ve realized how many people I know, because all of them called and emailed wanting to discuss the situation in Ukraine and Russia. It’s war. It’s a nightmare. No, nobody is okay. All I can do on my end is rage, feel helpless, and donate money. It’s hell over there and purgatory for anyone whose relatives are caught up the war zone.
My father told me during our last call that I’ve been over here too long and I am now an American, because I want to hold Putin accountable for all of it rather than accepting it with cynicism and apathy, like it was some natural disaster. He might be right. The right to demand accountability from the government is very American. I’m glad I am an American.
This is my fourth draft of these two paragraphs as I am trying to express myself without resorting to profanity and ranting.
Let’s talk about something else today.
How is Salem?
Whoever suggested that she might have trouble with her esophagus is an MVP. Thank you on behalf of the elderly kitty. We don’t know if that is it for sure, because our vet has been booked solid, but we tried Hartz Delectables Stew Lickable Treat, which is basically stew like food with little chunks of meat in it. It is a resounding success. She licks up the broth and eats a bit of the meat. Not all of it, but enough to make a difference. She is no longer lethargic, and we’ve had zero vomit since February 21st. Now I need to find a food that’s mostly liquid like that rather than a treat.
Tuna, on the other hand, is most vocal about her right to liquid treats, so she gets one too. Otherwise, she screams. Not meows. Screams.
Are you used to the bread machine now, do you use it regularly?
Bread machine and I are bestest friends. Yesterday I made pizza dough and served two pizzas, a pepperoni and mushroom and a vegan cheese. I even attempted pepperoni twists. Everything was eaten.
One thing is, the dough didn’t have that… I don’t know how to explain it – maybe volume? – of a good artisan pizza. It was delicious but more like thin crust. Gordon loves thin crust, so that worked out. It wasn’t the rise. The dough rose like a mushroom in the bread maker, and I followed the directions to flatten it into disks and let it rise again for 30 minutes. I might have to look at more pizza dough recipes online.
Also, I’ve made various types of bread now, the French bread, the wheat bread, the honey wheat bread. 10 out of 10, will use again.
What does self-care mean to you? Once you finished Ruby Fever, which took a lot out of you, what did you do for your mental/physical wellbeing? The past 2 years have been a lot and I’m looking for inspiration on recovery techniques.
I was never very good at self-care and lately most of my coping mechanisms have been failing. I have made numerous attempts at it in the past two weeks with very mixed success.
As one of my self-care options, I decided to write a bit on the project that had been backburnered for two years. No, it has nothing to do with anything that we have written before. It doesn’t belong to any of our universes. I wanted to sit there and quietly poke at it to see if it is something or nothing. The problem is, the project called for a dead dog. The dog dies off page, but it is very traumatic. It’s a John Wick type of a scenario. I had to get through it to get to the actual story and it was so difficult.
Mod R: How are things?
Me: Still killing the dog.
Two days later.
Gordon: How is it?
Me: Still killing the dog.
Two days later.
Kid 1: I thought you would work less.
Me: I’m trying to kill this dog.
Kid 1: What do you have against dogs, Mom? Can you go through a book without killing a dog?
Me: … We only killed two dogs over a 15 year career…
Kid 1, who is in charge of a certain adaptation and all of the work that goes into it: Brutus, Mom! You did not tell me that was a dog-killing book!
I finally killed the dog and then cried, so I managed to stress myself out even more with my “self-care.”
I did have some success. On Friday, Gordon and I went on a date to Gruene Door. We sat outside and it was lovely. It is a quiet place with good food off the beaten path, and I really like it.
Kid 2 is obsessed with squishmallows, so I got to go on a squishmallow hunt twice so far. The last one was on Saturday and she and I ended up having dinner at a sushi place.
I tried to paint the other day. I am very unskilled but there is something about watercolors that makes me happy, so I bought these art paper sheet preprinted with geometric patterns. I was going to sit there and color them, and I even got to start, and then Salem came and lay on me. She rolled on my painting. She tried to drink the water. Long story short, I put it away and sat on the couch with her for a bit until I got sleepy and went to find Gordon who had the right idea from the start and took a nap.
Mostly my self care is sleep, lately. I did start the Princess Bride knitting project but I am far behind. Will post pics when I have something substantial.